Perfect ending to a Crappy New Year

Painful stomach cramps at dinner on New Years Eve was the perfect ending to the worst year I’ve had in about 10 years. They all can’t be winners and this was the perfect ending to a crappy year. As soon as the calamari hit my stomach it seized up like the rusted arteries of the tin man. I was writing in pain the remainder of the evening and trying not to show it to the rest of the party through the entree and desert. Let’s just say I was not providing any sparkling dinner conversation. Once I got home all I wanted to do was curl up in the fetal position, and that did help calm the horrible stomach cramps.

Plus, to ring in the new year, I got a wonderful migraine. I guess I’m just not cut out to enjoy holidays. Party-pooper is my middle name. I guess I’m making up for all the fun I had during those college years. I’m hopeful that now that the holidays have gone by that this next year will be better than the last. Cross your fingers for me.

What a “good” year?!

Hi,

I was having dinner with my extended family over the holiday and at the end of the meal someone said “here’s to a good year”. Well I shook my head and decided to pass on that toast and clear the table. Yes, it was a good year in so much as we are all alive and kicking, but otherwise, it’s been probably the worst year in the last 10 years for me. I got hired by a boss that was a little too friendly that caused all sorts of problems at work, and my headaches had gotten real bad this year. I ended up having a constant headache this fall every day, non-stop, for over four weeks. So my MD sent me to a special hospital over 7-hours away from home for 2+ weeks. I ended up with IVs that had to be re-done every other day that hurt a lot, had some nurses that weren’t very caring and sympathetic, and ended up having a PICC line that didn’t go great and couldn’t move my arm for a day-and-a-half. Additionally, they sent me for a spinal tap for diagnosis purposes, I ended up with a spinal tap headache for two days and couldn’t get out of bed nor sit up without being in excruciating pain. The fix for that was to have a spinal block which hurt worse than the spinal tap (screaming and crying on the table at the same time, with leg numbing). I’d rather have two root canals. So, after that it was another week of treatment in the hospital experimenting with drugs. Not a good time. We did stop my daily headache, and I did make a good friend, and that was the best part of it. I’m back to 2-4 migraine’s per week now that I’m home. But the bonus was that the day I returned to work my boss fired me. I’m hoping karma gets him, and good.

So now that I’m back home searching for a job, I can’t wear a hat and I live in a cold climate, burr, and am light and sound sensitive. I didn’t have these problems before this fall. I applied for disability, but was denied because we made too much money in the past year, which makes no sense to me as I’m thinking I won’t make much money in the future since I don’t know how I can get and keep a job feeling as I do. Plus, my industry is over saturated with people looking for a job.

Yes folks that’s been my year. I am grateful to be alive and kicking, and have my loved ones be the same. I hope yours has been better than my “good” year. Best wishes

Not So Happy Light

My headache MD suggested that I get a full-spectrum light to help with the changing/diminishing levels of light during the fall and early winter. I have a touch of  Seasonal Affective Disorder. So I found one at Costco for a steal and it’s suppose to sit on your desktop about 24″ away from you for about 3 hours a day and shine into your eyes. Well holey cow! I’d like to wear my sunglasses. This thing makes me squint, more than staring at my monitor all day. This is bound to give me a migraine from having this bright light shining in my face for hours. How is this helpful. Happy light, HA!. How about headache light. So much for that idea. At lease I got it for a steal, except now I’m thinking I was the one who got robbed….

Tis the season to cancel

So far this season I’ve canceled on an ornament exchange party, although I kept calling it an organ exchange party due to the fun meds I’m on that allow my brain to keep mixing up my words. I’ve missed out on one night with my family that was visiting from out of state. My sister-in-law just finished up with her chemo treatments, so I truly wanted to see her as much as possible. And I know there was the famous discussion at the family gathering about my migraines and the dreaded statement I hate hearing “isn’t there anything they can do”? I’d like to say “Yes, yes there is but I’m electing not to do it as I’m enjoying the pain and suffering. It gives me something to do, I like the pity I get from you and everyone else, and it gives us something to talk about.” <Sigh>

Happy hoildays!

Seeing the light

I’ve got a bit of a touch of SAD, seasonal affective disorder, every fall. Basically if you aren’t familiar with it you get bummed out in the fall due to the lack of sunlight. Perhaps that’s why it’s my least favorite time of year. Anyway this year we’ve had an unusually sunny fall, thank god. Unfortunatley it hasn’t helped my migranines one bit. I had a good summer and I fugured with the fall having more sunlight it wouldn’t be that bad, but I’ve been like Rapunsel locked in my tower suffering with headaches. I’ve been wondering about those full-spectrum lamps or natural light lamps and if anyone has had any luck feeling better with those. Or, perhaps I’ll just get a flash light and shine it in my face for 10 minutes a day until they drag the ground hog out of it’s burrow in the spring. Thanks gang.

Which came first?

I went to my neurologist and had the same discussion I’ve had with him over the last several years. He thinks I’m depressed and that causes more headaches, and I think I get depressed when I have have so many headaches. He wanted to have me see a shrink and I finaly gave in and saw a shrink that dealt with pain management and we sat and looked at each other for most of the session and I never went back. So today this time I finally told him to stop hanging his hat on that excuse and figure something else out. I do admit that when I ‘m having a bad spell of many days of headaches that I get depressed and I certainly don’t know how some of you handle years of daily headaches. I’m so thankful for having good some good days in the past few years. I’m certain I couldn’t handle 40 years of constant headaches. 10 Years of 3-5 a week is enough for me. It does suck that we often have more than just headaches to deal with and I wish ya’ll the best, and I wish you as many painfree days as possible.

Laughter

One reader wrote in that she tries to laugh whenever she can, and I agree. I’ve got enough drama in my little life as it is, without watching television dramas or war movies, or horrible reality shows where people treat each other terribly. You know, even watching the news is a big downer. War, famin, corporate greed, etc, life is too short to add this external pain and suffereing into my life. It’s gotten so bad I can’t even watch the Animal Planet ’cause I can’t handle the reality of the food chain and survival of the fittest. I have the ability to empathasise too much. I get upset watching commercials for the humane society, I can’t see road kill, I can’t read stories about women being assualted. These things make me emotionally upset, and with the state of my health it makes things worse. I end up slumping on the couch, not eating well, not caring, feeling depressed, and wham-o headache soon follows. So over the years I’ve learned to avoid certain news stories, I look the other way when driving and I see a lump on the road, and I don’t read much of the news paper. It’s not that I don’t care, but rather over the years I’ve learned that I care too much and it is harmfull to me. If I run into a situation that upsets me I immediately try to plug my ears or tune out as best I can and wish them peace and love in my mind. Laughter makes me feel better, and I’ve actually been feeling a headache coming and have spent time with someone who makes me laugh and the headaches does not come about. So watching funny tv shows or reading funny stories is something that helps me keep the balance in my life, eventhough my hubby doesn’t understand why I listen to Bob & Tom on the radio in the morning.

Find what makes you simle and makes you happy every day.